Golfing parrot

A golfer took a vacation in Florida. He was a big bettor and always had at least $500 riding on each round. He asked at the pro shop if there was anyone around who liked a little competition, and the pro introduced him to a man named Joe.

“Is Joe a good golfer?” the man asked when Joe left to get his clubs.

“He doesn’t look that good but he always seems to win his matches,” the pro replied.

The man met Joe on the first tee, and they agreed to play for $500. On the first tee, Joe hooked his drive into the water, and the vacationer won the hole. On the next hole, Joe topped his drive and then shanked his second shot into the trees. The man won that hole, too. On the next tee Joe took off his hat and scratched his head. When he did that, a big parrot flew up and lighted in a nearby tree. “Want to double the bet?” Joe asked.

“Sure,” the vacationer said, already counting his winnings as he stepped up to the tee. On the top of his back swing, the parrot made a noise like a train whistle, and the vacationer wiffed the ball and lost the hole. On the next hole, which required a second shot over a pond, the vacationer selected his iron when the parrot said, “Five iron’s too much.” The player changed to a six and hit it into the water. While the man was putting on one hole, the parrot said, “It breaks to the left,”

but the putt broke right. The man missed it to go three down. By the 18th hole, the vacationer was ten down to Joe and glaring at the bird.

“What do I need to do to get rid of that lousy parrot?” he said to nobody in particular.

“Just pay me $100 more than Joe does,” the bird said.